Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I forget how to act sober
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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