Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
