Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
