She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
