Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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