just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
