Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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