on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So here I am, sexting at work.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
