Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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