Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
