I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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