Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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