dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
