Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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