Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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