I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
