She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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