Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize