There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i now understand why vodka
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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