so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
