So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
