somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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