arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
