I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
