You really coming over, don't trick.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
