I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Mom said you looked used
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
