Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
