We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize