At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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