I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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