Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
