She's JV to your varsity
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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