I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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