The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
