New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
