you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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