Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

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(310): View more from California

Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex

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(248): View more from Michigan

she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

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(760): View more from California

Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun

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(503): View more from Oregon

Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.

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