Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday