saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.