What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.