He kissed a someone with a penis
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
