Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(802): View more from Vermont

I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

Fav 22 6724 1050
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.

Fav 18 4365 778
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(513): View more from Ohio

First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

Fav 13 1411 6905
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

Fav 31 7939 1407
share tweet
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(631): View more from New York

the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care

Fav 7 4139 1470
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.

Fav 3 1192 2204
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(918): View more from Oklahoma

I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'

Fav 8 3283 1262
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.

Fav 0 519 273
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?

(774): View more from Massachusetts

I spilled wine on it.

Fav 0 25 21
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT