my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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