Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
