you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
