I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
