I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I party with great urgency now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
