So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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