ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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