i would punch a child for taco bell
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
