His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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