somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
