There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
