I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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