why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
