i barfeds in our rink
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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