This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
