we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
