All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
