i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
