**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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