I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
