In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
