I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
