Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
