Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize