There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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